A Life That Isn't
by Pretera
Summary: One shot. M pays an unexpected visit to Bond after Vesper and him have decided to live their lives together, and he has given his resignation to the service. She tells him what he needs to know, but will never want to accept. Casino Royale.


"I asked room service for some breakfast. You wouldn't happen to have it?"

"Don't count on it."

M briskly stepped into the bedroom suite, which him and Vesper were now sharing. She went over to a small table in the middle of the room and glanced around, almost looking bored. In all the time he'd been around her, he was absolutely sure that M would never be capable of anything more casual than marching.

James closed the door, the smirk from his earlier jibe fading. She glanced at the bed, still unmade, sheets tangled, the pillows lying every which way. Vesper had gone out for some shopping in the marketplace nearby.

He ran a hand through his hair, "Can I get you something?" He sauntered over to the bed, picking up pillows and tossing them to their rightful places.

She favored him with a look, "You can give me an explanation, Bond."

Her glassy eyes bore into his, and for a moment he knew how a mouse felt in the presence of an owl. He inwardly shook it off, and decided to play it smooth again, " I'm sure my email explained it all, M. But if you need me to use smaller words –

"I'm not another one of your flings, Bond. Don't give me your cheek. Bloody hell…" She laid a hand on the table edge, clenching it slightly.

"I gave my resignation, ma'am. It's very a simple matter," he turned to face her, his face neutral. He put on his armor, expression giving nothing away, and offering nothing. But this face never worked on her for long.

"Is this what you want?" her words cut through the air and the stony silence between them grew colder.

He took a breath in and slowly out, "…I wouldn't have sent you a message if it wasn't."

She shook her head slightly, looking bewildered, "You receive 007 status, you go on your first mission, and suddenly you desire nothing more than a mundane life, Bond. You are one of the best in the service and you want to settle down and go about living a life that isn't yours to live –"

James bristled, his blue eyes darkening, " In all respect me ma'am, you don't have the right to tell me what kind of life I do and don't deserve—"

"You are a 007. You kill, you lie, you do all in the service of your country's well being. Since you were old enough to take on the job, you've been conditioned to these truths, these ways of life. I'm asking you if this kind of life will last. If it will be worth it, James."

He stopped. He stared at her, and something in his stomach went cold. Was she right? Could she be right?

James closed his eyes for a moment, and asked of her, in a tone, which held a note of pleading, "I can never have what I want in life, then. I can't…I can't be happy, M?"

M's face softened, her expression holding a hint of compassion, " You're new to this, Bond. I still don't know if it was wise to promote you so soon, but… every 007 learns the lessons of their occupation at some point. Hopefully they learn it early on, as I hope you would. You duties come before anything else. You take happiness where you can, but you don't keep it for yourself…If you do, it will tease you, make you think that the life you lead, as an agent, has room enough in it for…," she glanced at the bed at Vesper's space, "other things….You must know this, James. You can never be anyone but yourself. You are a 007."

James stared at some point past M's head, blue eyes clouding over, her words making the coldness in his stomach grow.

He turned his back to her, not wanting to hear anything more.

"Please go."

A couple of seconds more of silence passed.

He heard M walk to the door, and open it slowly.

Her voice almost sounded apologetic, " I'm sorry Bond…I'll be seeing you, then."

The door closed and James exhaled a shaky breath. Suddenly his phone rang on the dresser, making him start.

He picked it up, and Vesper's cheery voice came over the line, "Hey, I'm just about done down here, and I thought we could meet up for lunch. How's that sound?"

He smiled softly, trying to make his voice sound anything but melancholy, and replied, "Sounds like an excellent plan, my dear. I'll meet you at the front doors? – Alright. – Love you too."

He started to get dressed for the day, and the sun shown in from outside, and the 007 agent tried to push what M had said to the back of his mind. He wasn't sure he could.


End file.
